To Terry
Regrets of things unsaid can be painful.
Much has been said in recent years.
Calls, notes, visits have been sweet.
With no regrets I share these words.
What a person, what a life!
Look around at these dear friends.
You have taught me about friendship.
You have taught me about life.
New family forms as distance strains.
Even so, your love touched the old.
Kirstin, Susi, Pete you have gifted
By your sensitivity and your life.
Life is not measured in time,
but how it is lived.
Let’s go back a bit - roots and such.
We came from a dysfunc - weary jargon.
Let’s try - functionally challenged family.
Okay, not so original, but you get it.
A family of love shot through with roots.
The stress of financial survival.
The ignorance of the times.
A marriage that never was.
Older brother, younger brother stuff.
So different, so alike.
Both dreamers of how things could be.
Respecters of each other.
Life is not measured in time,
but how it is lived.
You shared freely “coming out”.
Straight brother in tiny car.
With you, with friends, with feeling.
Sexuality baffles me to this day.
A feel for life. That is it. A feel.
Cooking, art, travel, ideas, friends.
A perfectionist, impatient, even cranky.
But, a feel for the beauty of life.
Even your handwriting honored life.
Love of old cars, VWs, books and Ben.
You loved life and life’s beauty.
You have made life beautiful
Life is not measured in time,
but how it is lived.
Work, yes let’s talk about work.
Even money while we’re at it.
One of our common bonds.
The traumas of work and money.
We learned so well from home.
Money can be painful and work a curse.
We both go to our resting places
unaware that money and work are related.
We have done many things.
You a semi driver! Me selling life policies.
Alice on Roger: At least he’s not boring.
Roger on Terry: I’d say the same.
Life is not measured in time,
but how it is lived.
What about death? What about life?
You chose life in the face of death.
In the spring of 93 you said in tears,
“I want to live!” and you did.
Your courage, your boldness says much.
We laughed about your trip financing.
You said, “Sounds like one of your ideas.”
Nice compliment to one never so successful.
Conversations about the cosmic eternal
have been very special for us.
Your caring concern about our marriage
while facing an uncertain future. Thanks.
Life is not measured in time
but how it is lived.
Relief. This part is over.
Last times are so hard.
Your voice on Saturday - gone.
Your sounds on Sunday - relief.
Mother is okay. She may learn sometime.
I want to know. I think I know.
Are you and Dad touching and smiling?
Death creates new family now and forever.
O Terry how I love you.
Our brotherly love brings tears.
Words fail in the face of Mystery, yet, I know,
you have measured life by living it.
Next week I will begin stories from recent times and times past.
Thanks for sharing dad. Terry dropped me off and then picked me back up several weeks later at the Mexican border for my NOLS trip to Baja. He was the first adult that spoke to me openly about my drug use and didn't judge me (at least that is my recollection), just told me to keep it in check, not worth getting all carried away about it. Nice, laid back Cali attitude that was much needed for a midwestern kid struggling to find my way. Those may have been my only interactions with him, at least the only ones I remember. He certainly stuck in my head as a cool uncle that had his shit together. I would have liked to have known him better.