How many times have I, when talking about my brother, prefaced with a statement about his being gay? Could I just have said that Terry lived most of his adult life on the west coast, from San Francisco to San Diego, working in restaurants? Oh yes,and he died of AIDS. Did I need to say that? Did it matter? It’s like mentioning a coworker and just having to say a “black” friend. Why is that? Does it matter? Will there come a time when sexual orientation, skin color, nationality, or fatness will not define a person? When will we start saying “I lost my phone,” and not feeling the need to say “cell phone?”
Okay. That is out of the way. Let me tell you about my gay brother, Terry. who died of AIDS in 1994. Terry was three and half years younger than me. We were two boys created by Martha and Donald Golden.
On February 5, 1994, Terry sent a letter to many close friends around the U.S. Alice and I received one. The letter asked for donations to help him pay for a trip to Europe. Terry wanted to raise enough money for airfare, Eurail pass, lodging, food, and unexpected expenses that might pop up. He planned to leave mid-May and return in the early part of the second week of June.
He wrote: “Most people close to me are aware of my state of health and my meager financial position…I’ve traveled to Mexico, Central America, the British Isles, southern Europe and 44 of 50 states. A desire I’ve had for several years was to see northern and eastern Europe. At this point in my life, there is absolutely no way I can fulfill this dream unless I have assistance.”
The letter notes the cities included in his itinerary: San Diego - Washington, DC - Amsterdam - Mainz(train) - Cologne(boat) - Mainz(train) - Frankfort - Prague - Budapest - Vienna - Salzburg - Innsbruck - Padua - Venice - Milan.
He concluded: “If my health changes and I am unable to make the trip, your donation will be returned.”
Terry had a blood transfusion and took off on May 17.
The daily movement from San Diego to the Netherlands, Germany, Czechoslovakia, Hungary, Austria, Italy and the return to San Diego three weeks later took much grit. The energy and joy Terry experienced and the wear and tear on his body is expressed in his daily journal. Detailed entries dwindled to one word, usually location, during the final week. His writing shares long time interests: cuisine, archeology, history, music, tidiness, people, and nature. I’ve chosen to describe the trip by highlighting interests rather than his daily itinerary.
Let’s start with food. Terry loved to cook and was good at it.. He worked many years in fine restaurants up and down the California coast. His gastronomical journey was impressive.
He writes: “Amsterdam is known for pancakes. I enjoyed a huge one with slices of apple and bacon.”
Of the Alkmaar cheese market, “Quite interesting - - bought a Gouda with paprika and onion for the train ride…Had a nice early lunch on the train…baguette, gouda, grapes, bananas…bottled water always.” He was on his way to Germany.
Terry worked as a waiter at Luigi’s and Primavera in San Diego. In Mainz he makes a comparison. “Here I am sitting at an outside table at La Vechia. Had minestrone and linguine carbonara. Later had tiramisu…Luigi’s is still the best...what a day.”
On the way to Prague: “Had a very good lunch in the dining car - - mineral water, duck paté, a pork steak with vegetables and potatoes and topped with sponge cake w/ chocolate and fruit.”
Later he indulges in “Czech cuisine“ with an evaluation of food and staff: “Am now having lunch in the castle. Choice of hors d’oeuvres miniatures…One with salmon in pastry with peaches and another roast beef in aspic and cucumbers…entré was a chicken breast with ham and sliced peaches, veg and rice - - excellent sauce.” Later at the restaurant: “Mystivna - - found the staff cold and unaccommodating. Had mineral water, potato soup, pheasant a la Bohemia (red cabbage and dumplings), salad woodland and ice cream with fruit.”
While in Prague Terry had a little fast food and opera. At the time of his trip McDonald’s was 54 years old and very international: McD’s backed up his food needs several times: “Had lunch at none other than McDonald’s” and another day “McDonald’s has a hold on me for lunch.” I want to note that Terry was of slight build, a thin guy. His appetite astounded me as I read through his gastro journey!
“Before the opera I had a light dinner - onion soup and cold stuffed duck - both quite tasty.”
In Vienna he wrote: “I’m centrally located near a Metro entrance with many restaurants and since Vienna is known for unbelievable desserts and ice cream desserts - - I’m as happy as a pig in you know what.”
He used Frommer’s travel guide extensively as well as getting suggestions from hotel staff for meal ideas. Here is one of the recommendations from a front desk person: “On the way to the Pizza Haus I passed an ice cream parlor - - was forced to stop on my way back…the ice cream was superb.” So good that he returned the next day!
I feel very related to this coffee shop traveler. Can’t walk by without checking out the goods. A major difference is the Viennese scene: “From the cathedral stopped for a cappuccino and a strawberry tart (small).”
As the days passed the meal descriptions were less detailed. However, on May 31 in Salzburg, Terry wrote: “Tonight having dinner a short walk from the Pension - - Frommer’s said there was an excellent restaurant near the Pension and also the Pension owner’s daughter recommended it too. They were both right. Had mineral water, escargot, stuffed schnitzel and then a hot fudge sundae & cappuccino. Also left with a chocolate cake for snack a little later. I must say I’ve pigged out and enjoyed every bit for the last two weeks. For lunch today I went to Winkler Cafe and had a mixed lettuce salad with tomatoes and goat cheese. Also an ice cream topped w/ warm raspberries - - life is good.”
Later: “....saw a Chinese restaurant - - I was hungry for Chinese.”
Terry enjoyed serving, preparing and eating good food. Next week his diary lifts up other interests.
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Thanks, Alan, for your interesting perspective on our common experiences.
Alan, you sound really frustrated with my “paid” option. Sorry.
Rog